How much i think i'm not the one as I think

I'm just a good listener. I'm just a good counselor. I'm just a clean rubbish tank which always welcome rubbish.

How much I wish there's someone out there can listen to my heart when I'm unhappy. Maybe some good listener that willing to share my thought with? Or a true fren that always listen to my probs and advise me, comform me? but i just cant find even one... guys always dun understand what a girl want... I just hope that I find a true girl fren... and it is difficult...

I always thought that a true fren will welcome his/her fren to come over for their probs. Giving them advices, comfort them, concerning them? Am i wrong all this while? Heard from someone "They know you in trouble, but they are not considering about ur condition, do you think it's what so called good fren? best buddy?" and I told the person "Do not count on your fren." and the person replied," but they count on you."

I'm speechless... seriously speechless... the quote keeps making me think of all the past. Why am I always be the replace one or ppl who always count on? Isn't it I'm too kind? Or I'm a weaker? and I've not realised it and still proud of it? It's pathetic to realise all the fucking fact !!! I'm not here to mention that I'm having probs on my frenship. But what pathetic is the fact of my love life do related some and it makes me think of my past. I'm the replace one. Shall I proud of it? or just drop those fucking tears? Am i too pessimistic just because i'm having those pisces character?

I still remember times ago, a fren of mine broke up with his boyfren and been together with another guy. Her boyfren then come to me and telling me how sad he was. He called me everyday and chit chat with me on the phone for few hours everyday. And he even ask me to be his girlfren !!! WTF !!! At first, I admit that I really did considered about him cos we are happy when we chat over the phone for few hours everyday. But then, he called me one day as usual, he told me that he regret to told me all those stupid request. He admited that he was too sad and he's still missing his ex( my fren) and he thought that I can replace his ex. WTF !!! how pathetic it is... I just kept inside my heart, who will know all these fucking feelings bugging me that time la... haih...Continue enjoy my life and not letting others know that I'm feeling bad... I'm not bluffing ok, this is true story of mine...Then end up, he did not call me since the time he said he was regret...And I dun wish to see him anymore...

And it comes to my first boyfren that both of us been together for more than 1 year. And both of us has the unforgetable memory. It might be a small case for others but it's kinda deep in my heart. Not to mention it here.. Shhh... He is older than me 6 years old.... That time I was 17... Broke up for almost more than 3 years... At first I really dunno what's happening on us that cause him to break up with me... and I still remember few weeks after we broke up, I found out the reason that he decide to break up with me. and the reason is I'm younger than him 6 years old ~ His mother doesn't like me cos I'm younger than him 6 years old... And his mother ask him to dump me !!! Cos his mother think that it's not good to have 6 years of gap between the couple. I will cause his son( my ex) unsuccessful in his career and everything. I will bring bad luck to him. WTF !!! what a reason right? and he decided to end up our relationship. What to do? I just cant do anything. Let it be, and I'm so proud to end with him, otherwise I'll not meet a better one like my current boyfren, he is much better than him !!! And some times ago, a fren of mine told me that, during the time me and my ex together, there is another girl appear. My ex choose me cos I stay near his house, easy for him to find me everytime when he need me... the other girl stay far from his house, so my ex choosen me... Shall I proud of it huh? Stupid reason to be together with me... what another sucks guy that I met...

Not to mention the name of those sucks guys... I'm off to sailormoon... I'm addicted to sailormoon ~