i'm fine

Guys, do not feel sorry to me K... seriously, I'm fine. :)
It doesn't make sense to feel sorry to me, u guys had do nothing... It's my probs and i have not settle my things well... Frens Forever... So do not blame urself K...I love you guys... Muacksssss ;)


Honestly, I'm dissappointed.
I had do nothing. But it ends up with I'm the betrayer. Nothing much to explain cos I'm tired to be the innocent again. For uncountable times of being an innocent, how would you feel? I have no such feeling, such thinking and even such TRUTH, but he always thought his assumes are the Truth. And i always ignore what he had think and his thought. Uncountable explaination to him just to clarify myself but it ends up with it's the REAL explaination which is not true and it was created nicely.

Shall I ignore this time too?
I really dunno what to do. I called him few times last night, but i had not speak anything. He was another side just hello hello and ask me to say something. I called but din said a word even hello. I dunno why i called him cos i just feels to call him. I heard his voice, he is fine. He habg up my calls with not a bye bye cos I had speak nothing in the phone too. I was not feeling angry. Usually I hate him to hang off my call without byebye and Ok la. But for last night, honestly i feel nothing. What happened to me? Did my heart told me that I'm leaving? Everytime arguement occur, I dun dare to tell my frens and my parents, I dun wan my beloved frens and family worry bout me, I dun wan them to know I'm feeling bad, I dun wan them to think he is not a good guy for me. I cry alone. I rather to be alone. I just dun wan others think that he is not a good guy. He is good but not always. Do i need to protect him this time? His words can even kill my heart. But too bad, I just cant let him go, I love him, and we've been together for more than 2 years. Xuan said I dun have the courage to let him go. I admit, I really dun have the courage.

He posted few bulletins in frenster and even updated his profile. I feel embarrassing. but think it back, i have do nothing that betray him. But i know, soon to be, his frens will think that I'm betrayer, I'm cheap and I'm a sucks lady. I dunno I'm a good girl anot but this is unfair to me cos I've do nothing. I dun mind his weakness. I dun mind he's cant fulfill me all the time cos I think I'm able to get myself for what I want and I'm independent. I dun mind what others think that he is not good or not a successful man. But I'm giving him time to improve, I'm there to sacrifice and I'm stand besides of him when he had probs. But it end ups with "thank you for your sacrifice" . It's not fair. What it is mean? I'm soon to be a bad lady. But I'm not. I was trying to protect him but now I'm the bad lady. So what now? My heart which broken for uncountable times was totally break again !!! I dun care now, but i just want my reputation back. I dun want to be innocent.

I hate...
I just hate the tireness of my cried eyes. I hate the heat of my tears. I hate my wet pillow. I hate to wear specs to hide my unhappy face. I hate the feel of vomit. I hate sleepless night. I hate to pretend nothing in front of my parents. I hate the feelings of being an innocent but cant do anything. I hate headache. I hate to cry. I hate to force myself to smile. I hate to dream.

He sms-ed me last night for apologize. But guess what, I feels nothing. I feel helpless. and I'm sleepless last night. I just dun wan him to melt my coldness heart. And i had lost my heart to persuade me to take any action. I'll always remember Forgive But Not Forget. He taught me that. And it was useful right this time. And i try to login his frenster account. We have each other password, and guess what. He changed the password and it is his Ex's birthday. Reasonable~ I have nothing to think much. I'm dissappointed. Everytime arguement occurs, there is no any lovely word from him, and I'm always gonna work out 1st. Not for this time anymore, I prefer to stay alone here to continue my blogging and my chit chat to my frens.

Thanks to my dear frens. Thanks to all the sms-s and all the calls. Guys, I'm proud to know you guys. Honestly from the bottom of my heart. No worry K, I'll be fine, just give me some time. And seriously I need alchohol. So who's willing to have a drink with me later? Hehehehehehe....

Cheer up. I'm gonna be fine. ;)